Christmas Eve
by daansc88
Summary: As we know, Javi is on his own on christmas eve.


Esposito was staring at the black screen of his TV.

He had just zapped repeatedly by all programs, but there was nothing but cheesy Christmas movies. And for that he was definitifly not in the mood.

With a quiet sigh, he got up and went into the kitchen. A look in the refrigerator told him that he should go and buy some food.

He glanced at the clock. 18:16 showed on the digital display of his microwave. He could go in the supermarket around the corner for the next 2 hours.

He stood in the kitchen, undecided, unsure what he should do. He finally left his apartment without a concrete plan and made his way to the supermarket.

He grabbed a shopping basket and remained helpless in front of the first shelf. He could cook very good, that was not the problem.

The problem was that he doesn't want to cook right now. Sure, he was hungry, but if he was honest, he hated to eat alone, especially tonight.

He sighed and finally started to search the ingredients for a paella and took two six-pack of beer before going to the checkout.

"You should come the St. Mary's church tonight," the cashier Hanna told him. Esposito often bought here, they knew each other a little.

"What," Javier asked, surprised.

"It is perhaps presumptuous and it doesn't concern me, but you look lost and lonely and tonight is not the night that anyone should feel alone," explained Hanna.

"I don't think that a visit to the Church would change my feelings," said Esposito, who was too tired to convince Hanna that he was okay.

And the old lady was a really good observer.

"But maybe it would distract you a little bit," objected Hanna.

"Hanna, I have often spent Christmas alone, I have no problem with that," he said unconvincingly.

"I know you've spent Christmas alone and many times it really didn't bother you, but that has changed after last year," stated Hanna.

Javier gave her the money and tried desperately not to think about what he did last year on Christmas Eve.

"I gotta go," he said, and hastily left the shop.

* * *

He managed to distract his thoughts about what he had done last year, until he was sitting alone at the table, a dish paella in front of him.

He looked at the clock 20:22 flashed it at him.

Last year at this time Lanie was with him.

Last year at this time they had lain on the bed, naked.

Last year at this time, it was already clear that it would be the best Christmas he'd ever had.

Last year at this time, he had no need to ask what he had done wrong, that no one loved him enough to spend Christmas with him.

He pushed the paella on his plate back and forth. Yes, the truth was that he right now he felt lonely and lost and unloved.

He hadn't heard from his parents and his siblings but that didn't surprise him, because he had become accustomed to that in the past 6 years.

He had died for his family when he had arrested his cousin. It was the third time that he was arrested and he was sitting up now behind bars. His father had never forgiven him for that and his father was the undisputed leader of the Esposito clan. His word was not in question and he was the outcast now.

Today was the first night he regretted that he had arrested Paolo, because even though the woman he loved was not with him, he would at least be able to return to the warm home of his childhood.

About his grief he had begun his sort his paella, he wouldn't eat it anyway. He pushed the rice in a corner of the plate, the peas were in another, even meat and shrimp separately.

He wondered what he should do the next days, he had not a single person he should go to and he had no clue what to do with himself.

Sullen he finished his beer, let the dish at the table and decided to hole up in bed.

* * *

He lay in bed, staring at the ceiling.

He was far from being able to fall asleep, even though he was really tired.

At one point he turned around with a sigh. God, he felt lost even in his own bed.

He took the second pillow in his bed and pressed it to his chest, because, yes, even though he would never admit it out loud, but he was a cuddler and so at least he had something he could hold.

So he lay in his bed, curled up, the pillow pressed against his chest, he tried introversion, to somehow get rid of the pain in his chest, but at some point he couldn't stand the leaden silence no longer.

So he got up and turned on the music and started to torture the punching bag in his office/training room, until his arms ached more than solitude.

He sat panting on the ground, when the doorbell rang.

He stood up and pulled out a boxing glove as he walked to the door.

In front of him stood Lanie.

"What are you doing here," he asked, sounding more repellent as he wanted. In fact he didn't care why she was here, she was here and that was more than he had dared to hope.

"I ... may I come in," said Lanie.

"Sure," Jaiver smiled and couldn't help to let his gaze wander over her curves, in that red dress that she wore she simply looked stunning.

He locked the door behind her and closed his eyes for a moment, he had to be strong now, if he wanted to do it right.

"Why did you come Lanie," he finally wanted know gently.

"I was with my friends and couldn't stop thinking about you and I couldn't stop to think about that you're alone tonight," Lanie said.

"And now you've decided that you want a sad an desperate holiday hook up," asked Esposito.

"No, I'm not here to have sex with you," said Lanie.

Javier looked at her surprised, that was definitely new.

"I'm here to apologize. For pushing you away, that last year, and especially today. I .. I realized how hard it must have been for you. And I'm so sorry that I let you believe that you mean nothing to me. But I was scared ... but I love you and now I've realized that nothing will change that. Javi ... if you still want me, then ... I would be very happy if we could give us a second chance, " Lanie said with a shaky voice.

Javier stared at her in disbelief, he had reckoned with all, but not with this.

"I ... why ... why today," Javier wanted to know confused.

Lanie smiled at him. "I don't know exactly. Maybe some kind of Christmas miracle ... But since you left the morgue, I had the increasingly strong feeling that I should be with you. I should be with you, because I love you ... And now please give me an answer, " Lanie finally pleaded.

"Answer," Javier wanted to know confused, yes, now it all just went a little too fast.

"I want to know if you still want me, want us," called Lanie.

A smile appeared on Javier's face. "Lanie, since you broke up with me, there was not a single day that I didn't want you or us. Lanie, I love you," he expalined quietly, taking a step toward her, took her face in both hands and kissed her gently, but Lanie quickly pulled back.

"You stink," she said, pointing to his sweaty shirt.

"You're right, sorry. I'll have a quick shower, how about you waiting in bed, "asked Esposito.

Lanie nodded. "Hurry up," she smiled at him.

* * *

When he came out of the bathroom, Lanie lay on his bed and wearing nothing but her lingerie and a dazzling smile.

He smiled, she looked stunning and gorgeous and sexy as hell, but what she offerd him was not what he wanted to do with her right now, maybe tomorrow morning, but not now.

He went to his closet and took one of his T-shirt and tossed it to her. She looked at him confused.

"You said you're not here for sex," said Espo and crawled on the bed.

"You don't want to sleep with me," Lanie asked absolutely blindsided.

"I probably change my mind if you don't immediately put on that shirt," grinned Javier.

"Actually, I'd like to do something different, something I've missed in the last few months," he explained quietly.

Lanie looked at him curiously and eventually slipped on his shirt.

"Lie down, please," he said softly. Lanie looked at him, he had rarely looked so vulnerable as in that moment.

She lay on her back and felt a short time later his lips lovingly at hers.

"I love you," he whispered before he turned out the light.

Then she felt his head just below her breasts on her belly and then he wrapped an arm around her.

She gently stroked his short black hair.

"You're a cuddler, you know," she asked in a played mocking tone, because if she was honest, then she had missed this kind of intimacy with him very much.

"I know and I stand by it, I simply missed it," he explained quietly.

"Me too," Lanie admitted, while she continued stroking through his hair until they both fell asleep happy.

* * *

_**So this is my christmas story. **_

_**I know it was to easy, but I just wrote what came to my mind... and after all it's christmas and Espo deserves some love! ;-)**_

_**Happy chritsmas everyone!**_


End file.
